We have a shallow-ish pond in a corner of our yard. Since moving in four years ago, we have not had water in it or used the accompanying fountain. I eventually sold the fountain and we decided that we would fill up the pond and plant something in it. Until we saw what it would cost to buy soil to fill up that shallow-ish fountain … the project had to be put on hold.
Last week Saturday my husband was having a rather productive day in the garden. Working in and around the pond-project, he came up with the idea to fill it up with some sort of landfill before putting in soil, hoping to save us a buck or two. We started filling it up with extra bricks we had lying around and then the real moment of genius struck.
I have four gravestone resembling garden ornaments that a family member made and gifted me with those very common words, “Live, laugh, love” on three of them. The fourth one has the word “life” on. Apart from these ornaments being exactly not in my taste at all, my language orientated brain could not understand why you would put verbs on three of the gravestones and on the fourth one a noun. I mean, are you purposefully trying to **** with my mind?
You can probably guess the stroke of genius my husband had. Yes, the gravestones were to become landfill. And I agreed. By burying those gravestone-gifts, I felt like I was taking back a little bit of my child-like innocence this family member had ruined. It felt like I was finally acknowledging that the way that person had treated me, was not right. I felt like I was taking vengeance for myself without having to deal with that person’s negative energy again. It felt good and it was a small victory for me. In the words of our beautiful Miss Universe 2019, Zozibini Tunzi, “Nothing is more important than taking up space”. I took up space, purposefully, and it felt so good.
This was about a week ago now and I am still happy with my choice and proud of myself for not feeling guilty about burying something that I never really wanted, that is something I never liked to start with and came from a person who’ve repeatedly told me what a two-faced person I am/was and who used my religion and vulnerability against me time and again.
Funny how conditioned I am, because I still have a little voice in my head telling me I should feel guilty, but the truth is I shouldn’t, nor should any one else, feel guilty about moving on from negative people, their influences and memories.
I don’t wish any harm on that person. I’m just moving on. Do I wish it were different? Of course. But it isn’t and I need to deal. So, I’m finally dealing. Those gravestone-gifts are landfill now, but beautiful flowers will grow on top of them. I know they will.
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